A Rant (By Abbey Denny)

My Rant:

MACFE is currently wrapping up a Doula Training (my first as a trainer!) and tonight was our Palliative Care class. I felt like writing down some thoughts after our class tonight (I'm emotional like that and it is healing), and I wasn't really sure what my thoughts would turn into, so in a way it is just a rant.

Like a lot of girls, I grew up thinking boys/men were stronger. This is put into our minds as girls from a young age. Why is that?! People will ask boys to lift things or carry things for a girl, to open jars and things girls "can't" open/do. It may be true that some boys or that most men are physically stronger, however, I am proud to be a woman and realise women are much stronger, in different ways than men.  We are definitely much stronger than we get credit for, now that is a fact!

As I said, this was my very first Doula training, super exciting! Never in my life did I think I would be doing this, but it just feels right and it is lots of fun! I feel like pinching myself; I love my jobs so much, it seems too good to be true, being paid to do what you love. Even without pay, I have (and would) support women through their births. 

I told both of my birth stories during this training, for a reason. The first one because it was the text book perfect birth and the 2nd one because it didn't go as planned, in fact it went in the complete opposite direction of what I had planned. Both of these births happened to the same person; I am living proof that a birth can go so "right' and so "wrong" for the same woman. 

My first birth made me feel so powerful and so strong. My 2nd birth (which was a caesarean birth) in a way made me feel even more powerful and even stronger than I had felt after my first birth. I survived my worst fears for my birth and came out the other end of the experience as a better instructor, Doula and mother. I have fewer judgements for birth and how it should go. 

I don't feel ripped off or gypped in any way; I am grateful every single day for my healthy little boy and for the procedure that saved his life. People seem to have this weird thought that you are stronger when you go through natural childbirth and that is, of course, amazing (I've done it, I know how amazing it can be!) but somehow, somewhere along the line, we have forgotten how to see the strength that a woman has when she pulls it together, lets go of her plan and goes with the flow and lets her baby be born in whichever way he/she needs to be born. I believe I was stronger the 2nd time around; more vulnerable, yes, but definitely stronger.

At class when we were talking about Caesarean birth, I told my story and balled my eyes out. Of course this did not make me feel strong! Honestly, I felt weak. One Doula-to-be said something that will always stick with me. She said "You are stronger for crying and for being able to cry in front of a group of people." It really struck a chord with me; why did I think crying made me weak? I think we are also taught to believe this as a society, which is really sad. Her words made me feel empowered, I'll never forget her for saying that. I also love how supportive women are towards each other. If we continue to support each other and be there for each other maybe one day these judgements we put upon ourselves and others will go away?...one can hope :)

During our class this evening, we all shared stories, cried and hugged. You could really feel the strength in the room. I felt (and feel every day!), extremely proud to be a woman! I don't think strength can be measured only in terms of physical strength, there is much more to it than that. We need to continue to show society that women are much stronger than they get credit for!! We are strong enough to get through anything! 

We may need talk about it, even cry and hug, but we all get through it, one Kleenex at a time ;)

Abbey,
Doula, Instructor, Doula Trainer
and Mama to two wonderful (and very different!) boys